I spent this last weekend in Los Altos, California, getting to re-know my cousin John Tompkins-Clement. We reconnected about 10 years ago and emailed off and on since then. A couple of years ago he sent me a Christmas present that knocked me off my feet and he did the same this last Christmas. He paid for my trip to California to stay with him and his wife Phoebe, whom I never met, but have seen pictures of over the years.
I had a wonderful time with them. We went out to dinner a couple times, John and I went out to lunch, we talked and reminisced about our childhoods, how different and alike they were and how our genetics seem to have us do the same things around the same ages. It was kind of fun.
On Saturday evening their children and grand kids showed up for dinner and so did John's mom, Jeri, whom I hadn't seen since 1968. We had a wonderful visit. It was really great. John and Phoebe and their kids are Christians and have Christlike qualities and treat people like they are royalty.
The bump in the road came on Sunday when John asked me if I go to Church on Sundays and what Church I went to. Knowing that being LDS puts people off I was hesitant to tell him, but I did and then we had an emotional discussion about beliefs and why I kept a low profile on telling the family what Church I belong too. I explained to them that all the years of feeling rejected by the Tompkins family (although that might not have been the case with the family, but it was MY feelings) I didn't want to add something to the equation of reuniting that might change their minds about me and including me in the family. I always felt that no matter what I tried to do to get close to the family I was treated as an outsider. Kind of like "Well we know of her but we aren't involved with her because it's just ....blah, blah, blah."
It is hard to explain the emotions I was feeling....I told them I wasn't ashamed of my religious beliefs, that I am a Christian and there are many in this world that don't want to associate with 'Mormons' because they believe we are a 'cult' and we will try to convert them. This is not the case with me. After all, we all know that people don't convert people, it is the Holy Ghost....but I didn't tell them that.
I cried, actually sobbed, during the conversation because I loved them so much and I didn't want them to feel differently towards me after they found out I am LDS. Both of them hugged me and gave me complete assurance that they loved me.
The rest of the day was different, in a good way. There was a wall that was knocked down and an understanding of how I viewed my position in the family of Tompkins and I assured them that I am at the point in my life that if the family really didn't want to have anything to do with me for WHATEVER reason, then I would be okay with that. Even with my feelings of rejection, we have had the opportunity to get to know each other, grow a bit closer and enjoy each other's company.....and if after that, there is a feeling that they *whoever 'they' are* don't want to include me in family things, then okay. That's life and I can accept that. I did what I could to reach out and let them know that I am part of the family and that no matter what I will love them till the end of time.
I believe that John and Phoebe are accepting and won't let this get in the way of our relationship. I pray for them in my heart and look up to them in a respectful way. I trust them with my life. This is the way I feel about Kathy and Dean as well. Susie is as precious to me as anything and I love her to pieces. I look forward to the day that we all can be in one place at one time and spend a wonderful weekend together.
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