I spent this last weekend in Los Altos, California, getting to re-know my cousin John Tompkins-Clement. We reconnected about 10 years ago and emailed off and on since then. A couple of years ago he sent me a Christmas present that knocked me off my feet and he did the same this last Christmas. He paid for my trip to California to stay with him and his wife Phoebe, whom I never met, but have seen pictures of over the years.
I had a wonderful time with them. We went out to dinner a couple times, John and I went out to lunch, we talked and reminisced about our childhoods, how different and alike they were and how our genetics seem to have us do the same things around the same ages. It was kind of fun.
On Saturday evening their children and grand kids showed up for dinner and so did John's mom, Jeri, whom I hadn't seen since 1968. We had a wonderful visit. It was really great. John and Phoebe and their kids are Christians and have Christlike qualities and treat people like they are royalty.
The bump in the road came on Sunday when John asked me if I go to Church on Sundays and what Church I went to. Knowing that being LDS puts people off I was hesitant to tell him, but I did and then we had an emotional discussion about beliefs and why I kept a low profile on telling the family what Church I belong too. I explained to them that all the years of feeling rejected by the Tompkins family (although that might not have been the case with the family, but it was MY feelings) I didn't want to add something to the equation of reuniting that might change their minds about me and including me in the family. I always felt that no matter what I tried to do to get close to the family I was treated as an outsider. Kind of like "Well we know of her but we aren't involved with her because it's just ....blah, blah, blah."
It is hard to explain the emotions I was feeling....I told them I wasn't ashamed of my religious beliefs, that I am a Christian and there are many in this world that don't want to associate with 'Mormons' because they believe we are a 'cult' and we will try to convert them. This is not the case with me. After all, we all know that people don't convert people, it is the Holy Ghost....but I didn't tell them that.
I cried, actually sobbed, during the conversation because I loved them so much and I didn't want them to feel differently towards me after they found out I am LDS. Both of them hugged me and gave me complete assurance that they loved me.
The rest of the day was different, in a good way. There was a wall that was knocked down and an understanding of how I viewed my position in the family of Tompkins and I assured them that I am at the point in my life that if the family really didn't want to have anything to do with me for WHATEVER reason, then I would be okay with that. Even with my feelings of rejection, we have had the opportunity to get to know each other, grow a bit closer and enjoy each other's company.....and if after that, there is a feeling that they *whoever 'they' are* don't want to include me in family things, then okay. That's life and I can accept that. I did what I could to reach out and let them know that I am part of the family and that no matter what I will love them till the end of time.
I believe that John and Phoebe are accepting and won't let this get in the way of our relationship. I pray for them in my heart and look up to them in a respectful way. I trust them with my life. This is the way I feel about Kathy and Dean as well. Susie is as precious to me as anything and I love her to pieces. I look forward to the day that we all can be in one place at one time and spend a wonderful weekend together.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Blessings in May
On May 2nd, Fast Sunday, I bore my testimony, and I cried. Nothing new there. Afterwards, when Church was over, the Bishop saw me in the hall and said that the Stake President's morning message at Priesthood meeting was to ALWAYS go with the promptings that they feel, so he was going with a prompting and took me into his office and said I needed a blessing. He was so right. It was such a beautiful blessing, I wish I could remember all he said, but what I do remember was the spirit that filled the room while he pronounced the blessing in the name of the Savior.
Today was another one of those days, only this time I asked my home teacher, Brother John Bradfield, if he could give me a blessing.....I thought it was mostly for my feelings of inadequacy regarding school, and we talked about it briefly....however, during the blessing it was mostly about the Love my Father in Heaven has for me and the blessings I bring to the Whitaker Ward Family and how much I am loved by so many, even those that I don't know about. During this, I was promised retention in my studies in school and in the Gospel. Again, that wonderful spirit filled the room. I hung on every word and felt so much peace in my heart and mind. I felt rested after the blessing, the same way I felt after the Bishop administered a blessing upon me on Fast Sunday.
I don't know WHY I am so blessed because I always feel that I am falling short of what I should be doing or have done and could do. I suppose everyone feels that way in their life at one point or another, I don't know.
Yesterday my grandson, Tyler, graduated from high school, and it broke my heart that I couldn't be there to see it happen. What bothers me is that everyone else in the family was there, except Mom and I. It hurt, hurt more than I can say. I knew this day was coming and I failed to save enough money to make the trip when I could have not paid some bills and gone. There were cheap enough flights WHEN I HAD enough $ to make the plane reservations, but I didn't do it because I thought I would have enough to go when the time came. I didn't. The pain is tremendous and I honestly didn't think it would hurt so much, but it did and does.
Shelby drove back to Texas with Paul's parents. I worry about her being there. Enough said.
I am excited about seeing Kimberly in a couple of weeks, hopefully I will have her room already for her when she gets here and then I'm off to see John (Tompkins) Clement and his wife Phoebe. I am really excited to see him again and meet her.
I need this break
Today was another one of those days, only this time I asked my home teacher, Brother John Bradfield, if he could give me a blessing.....I thought it was mostly for my feelings of inadequacy regarding school, and we talked about it briefly....however, during the blessing it was mostly about the Love my Father in Heaven has for me and the blessings I bring to the Whitaker Ward Family and how much I am loved by so many, even those that I don't know about. During this, I was promised retention in my studies in school and in the Gospel. Again, that wonderful spirit filled the room. I hung on every word and felt so much peace in my heart and mind. I felt rested after the blessing, the same way I felt after the Bishop administered a blessing upon me on Fast Sunday.
I don't know WHY I am so blessed because I always feel that I am falling short of what I should be doing or have done and could do. I suppose everyone feels that way in their life at one point or another, I don't know.
Yesterday my grandson, Tyler, graduated from high school, and it broke my heart that I couldn't be there to see it happen. What bothers me is that everyone else in the family was there, except Mom and I. It hurt, hurt more than I can say. I knew this day was coming and I failed to save enough money to make the trip when I could have not paid some bills and gone. There were cheap enough flights WHEN I HAD enough $ to make the plane reservations, but I didn't do it because I thought I would have enough to go when the time came. I didn't. The pain is tremendous and I honestly didn't think it would hurt so much, but it did and does.
Shelby drove back to Texas with Paul's parents. I worry about her being there. Enough said.
I am excited about seeing Kimberly in a couple of weeks, hopefully I will have her room already for her when she gets here and then I'm off to see John (Tompkins) Clement and his wife Phoebe. I am really excited to see him again and meet her.
I need this break
Thursday, May 13, 2010
School and stuff
It's been forever since I wrote on my blog. I've managed to have a lot happen in my life but nothing that is earth shattering. I did pass my Physics class, with a "B", which is a miracle in itself. I enjoyed Physics tremendously, but I'll be darned, I had no idea what I was doing half the time. If it weren't for my passing all of my labs, quizes and homework with "A"s, then I wouldn't have even gotten the "B". My big tests, because they had math equations in them, I got "C"s and was grateful for that....so it all averaged out to the "B" which brought my GPA down to a 3.88 from a 4.0, however, it isn't the end of the world. I am also grateful that I got an "A" in
Twentieth Century France. It was all good. I love going to school and I love getting an education and especially following the advice from my Father in Heaven to get my education and to enhance my talents to emmulate the Savior. I will do all I can to accomplish this.
I have started to write again, and I need to get my act together to get some classes to help my art and my writing. This fall I am taking a writing class, but it is argumentative writing. I will need to show both sides of the argument in each paper I write.
My cousin John (Tompkins) Clement (he was adopted by his step-father) has paid for a plane ticket for me to come to Palo Alto to come and visit him and his family. I am so excited. I need to get away from home, but I also want to gtet to know John and his family more. We have not had a true family relationship, thanks to my mother and my father (Alan). Mom would not allow me to get close to any of the Tompkins side of the family because of her own reasons plus she said that Dee, my step-mother, would have done harm to me when I was very young. She said that this information came from my father's own mother (Grandma Linda). Eitehr way, all those years I wanted to be part of the Tompkins family and was denied that by both sides. Even my father didn't want to have a great deal to do with me and made no real effort to have a relationship with me. Anyway....I am going to see John and Phoebe on the 4th of June and come home the 7th. A very short trip, but I think a bonding one.
Twentieth Century France. It was all good. I love going to school and I love getting an education and especially following the advice from my Father in Heaven to get my education and to enhance my talents to emmulate the Savior. I will do all I can to accomplish this.
I have started to write again, and I need to get my act together to get some classes to help my art and my writing. This fall I am taking a writing class, but it is argumentative writing. I will need to show both sides of the argument in each paper I write.
My cousin John (Tompkins) Clement (he was adopted by his step-father) has paid for a plane ticket for me to come to Palo Alto to come and visit him and his family. I am so excited. I need to get away from home, but I also want to gtet to know John and his family more. We have not had a true family relationship, thanks to my mother and my father (Alan). Mom would not allow me to get close to any of the Tompkins side of the family because of her own reasons plus she said that Dee, my step-mother, would have done harm to me when I was very young. She said that this information came from my father's own mother (Grandma Linda). Eitehr way, all those years I wanted to be part of the Tompkins family and was denied that by both sides. Even my father didn't want to have a great deal to do with me and made no real effort to have a relationship with me. Anyway....I am going to see John and Phoebe on the 4th of June and come home the 7th. A very short trip, but I think a bonding one.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I wish I could remember everything that has happened in the past few weeks.
First off, I want to comment on Stake Conference that we had on the 28th of February. I am saddened that I didn't make it to the Stake Temple night on Friday the 26th, but I was studying for a math quiz and had to take it that night. Which I ended up dropping on Monday anyway and could have gone to the Temple if I had known I was going to be dropping the class. Apparently I let math get me down and I hoped I wouldn't. Too much stress between the physics and the math. I at least enjoy physics.
The Saturday night session was wonderful, as usual. The topic for the conference was about families and serving one another. Each speaker brought such a powerful and tender message. I heard that President Heder spoke at the Priesthood Session and he came to the Sunday Session as well. Bless his heart, he came in w/surgical gloves on his hands, a mask on his face to prevent germs from getting to him, his wife wiped down the microphone, the podium, the surrounding area, even the kleenex box. He gave a powerful talk and had everyone in tears. I pray that he will get his bone marrow transplant soon or he won't be with us much longer. President Schofield had the toughest job of all, following President Heder. We could have ended the conference right after President Heder and been spiritually fulfilled, however the remainder of the conference was outstanding as well. I love our Stake Presidency so much. They are so wonderful and kind and insightful. I pray for them in my heart daily.
I am cutting off 95% of my communication with my ex-husband. There is no reason for either of us to contact each other unless it involves our children or grandchildren. I don't answer his emails, although I will read them, if they are junk, then I just delete it. If it concerns our family, then I keep it. He has caused a great deal of trouble and continues to twist and turn communications between us and never admits his fault or responsibility towards any of the problems. I still care for him, but am no longer going to play his games.
I keep praying for snow. I miss having a great deal of snow....! Some say I better be careful what I pray for. I also pray for wisdom....which I certainly can use!!!!
First off, I want to comment on Stake Conference that we had on the 28th of February. I am saddened that I didn't make it to the Stake Temple night on Friday the 26th, but I was studying for a math quiz and had to take it that night. Which I ended up dropping on Monday anyway and could have gone to the Temple if I had known I was going to be dropping the class. Apparently I let math get me down and I hoped I wouldn't. Too much stress between the physics and the math. I at least enjoy physics.
The Saturday night session was wonderful, as usual. The topic for the conference was about families and serving one another. Each speaker brought such a powerful and tender message. I heard that President Heder spoke at the Priesthood Session and he came to the Sunday Session as well. Bless his heart, he came in w/surgical gloves on his hands, a mask on his face to prevent germs from getting to him, his wife wiped down the microphone, the podium, the surrounding area, even the kleenex box. He gave a powerful talk and had everyone in tears. I pray that he will get his bone marrow transplant soon or he won't be with us much longer. President Schofield had the toughest job of all, following President Heder. We could have ended the conference right after President Heder and been spiritually fulfilled, however the remainder of the conference was outstanding as well. I love our Stake Presidency so much. They are so wonderful and kind and insightful. I pray for them in my heart daily.
I am cutting off 95% of my communication with my ex-husband. There is no reason for either of us to contact each other unless it involves our children or grandchildren. I don't answer his emails, although I will read them, if they are junk, then I just delete it. If it concerns our family, then I keep it. He has caused a great deal of trouble and continues to twist and turn communications between us and never admits his fault or responsibility towards any of the problems. I still care for him, but am no longer going to play his games.
I keep praying for snow. I miss having a great deal of snow....! Some say I better be careful what I pray for. I also pray for wisdom....which I certainly can use!!!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Catching Up
I am not going to let the math get me down...in fact, it isn't the math that is getting me down, it is Satan and his way of causing discouragement. He does not want me to succeed and I need to recognize this more often and rise above his buffetings. Once he realizes that I am not going to fall into his trap of discouragement, then perhaps he will let up a bit in the math department. I don't know though, I'd rather have him cause problems there than any other place in my life. Math problems .... no pun intended....I can deal with.
President Heder, a counselor in our Stake Presidency, is going to die if he doesn't get a bone marrow transplant. Even if I were compatible with his type, I couldn't donate because I've had hepatitis and the only person I can donate to is myself. I couldn't donate to even my family. That's the pits.
I managed to pass my Physics exam....was holding my breath on that one....but I did pass...I got a 71% for which I am so excited about I could do the Snoopy dance. I really do love this class....it is SO interesting....she has a way of putting it to us that it makes me think about changing my major from History to Physics. Now that is scary.....in a wonderful sort of way.She (Tonya Tripplett) is offering an Astronomy class in the summer and although I really don't need it, I would love to take it just for the sake of taking it. I always wanted to take Astronomy since I was a child because I thought the heavens were and still are fascinating, but never pursued it.
Paul and Leana went to Kansas to check out the area. Paul said he received a revelation in the Temple about moving to the Wichita area of Kansas. He hasn't looked for a job there, yet, but they went to just check out the area. They found a small community near Wichita called Newton and they said it felt pretty good to them. I am glad they went and glad they came home safely.
Mike knows nothing of their impending move, which is good because he would instantly blame Paul and say Paul is moving to get away from him. It may seem that way to Mike, and it seemed that way to me more often than I would like to admit, but I understand the revelation and when God tells you to do something, you do it. Mike never really did get the full concept of that. I will never know if he used his Priesthood righteously during our marriage or not. I know there were times that he felt the spirit and lived by it, but he just would not keep up with it nor live on the testimony that he felt during the high times of his life.....when the low times hit, he felt that the Church wasn't true and he would wander. He didn't trust his own testimony.
I don't want to spend my time rehashing Mike and I. It's over and done with, no sense in going back over it again and again....!
Kimberly is going to go to Nashville to visit my sister (half-sister) Kathy and Dean, Dad and Dee, hopefully by the end of this week. Leana may go with her. I hope they do go....it would be good for Leana to actually meet my sister. I didn't know how much I could love or would love Kathy, but she is such a huge part of my heart. I wish my relationship with Kelly (my other half-sister, Kathy's full blooded sister) were as good, but that will come in it's own time.
I've been reading the Isaiah chapters in the Book of Mormon, and I finally broke down and bought a book about how to read them and the meanings of the verses that are in the book. It is SO much easier to read now...wish I had done that years ago. I usually skim through them just to get through them, now I can actually read them and understand what he was trying to say. Isaiah is wonderful.
I have to finish up a paper that I am writing for Twentieth Century France (History) and I'm kind of stumped as to where to go from where I left off. What we have covered the most of has been WWI (The Great War) and he wants us to chose two or three topics about what was affected by the war, an outcome, a direct result. I love History.
I also want to read a bit of my scriptures before I begin to finish the paper.
President Heder, a counselor in our Stake Presidency, is going to die if he doesn't get a bone marrow transplant. Even if I were compatible with his type, I couldn't donate because I've had hepatitis and the only person I can donate to is myself. I couldn't donate to even my family. That's the pits.
I managed to pass my Physics exam....was holding my breath on that one....but I did pass...I got a 71% for which I am so excited about I could do the Snoopy dance. I really do love this class....it is SO interesting....she has a way of putting it to us that it makes me think about changing my major from History to Physics. Now that is scary.....in a wonderful sort of way.She (Tonya Tripplett) is offering an Astronomy class in the summer and although I really don't need it, I would love to take it just for the sake of taking it. I always wanted to take Astronomy since I was a child because I thought the heavens were and still are fascinating, but never pursued it.
Paul and Leana went to Kansas to check out the area. Paul said he received a revelation in the Temple about moving to the Wichita area of Kansas. He hasn't looked for a job there, yet, but they went to just check out the area. They found a small community near Wichita called Newton and they said it felt pretty good to them. I am glad they went and glad they came home safely.
Mike knows nothing of their impending move, which is good because he would instantly blame Paul and say Paul is moving to get away from him. It may seem that way to Mike, and it seemed that way to me more often than I would like to admit, but I understand the revelation and when God tells you to do something, you do it. Mike never really did get the full concept of that. I will never know if he used his Priesthood righteously during our marriage or not. I know there were times that he felt the spirit and lived by it, but he just would not keep up with it nor live on the testimony that he felt during the high times of his life.....when the low times hit, he felt that the Church wasn't true and he would wander. He didn't trust his own testimony.
I don't want to spend my time rehashing Mike and I. It's over and done with, no sense in going back over it again and again....!
Kimberly is going to go to Nashville to visit my sister (half-sister) Kathy and Dean, Dad and Dee, hopefully by the end of this week. Leana may go with her. I hope they do go....it would be good for Leana to actually meet my sister. I didn't know how much I could love or would love Kathy, but she is such a huge part of my heart. I wish my relationship with Kelly (my other half-sister, Kathy's full blooded sister) were as good, but that will come in it's own time.
I've been reading the Isaiah chapters in the Book of Mormon, and I finally broke down and bought a book about how to read them and the meanings of the verses that are in the book. It is SO much easier to read now...wish I had done that years ago. I usually skim through them just to get through them, now I can actually read them and understand what he was trying to say. Isaiah is wonderful.
I have to finish up a paper that I am writing for Twentieth Century France (History) and I'm kind of stumped as to where to go from where I left off. What we have covered the most of has been WWI (The Great War) and he wants us to chose two or three topics about what was affected by the war, an outcome, a direct result. I love History.
I also want to read a bit of my scriptures before I begin to finish the paper.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ups and Downs on a not so snowy day
It was nice to see a light dusting of snow on the ground this morning when I woke up, but....but....but....that's all we had for the rest of daylight. The weather 'person' on the TV keeps predicting snow for tonight...well, actually for the past four nights....and still we have had nothing other than a light dusting and that's about it. We really need more snow...LOTS more snow.
School has been good, and even though I had to drop the FHCD class (Lifespan) until this summer, I am enjoying Physics AND Math, now that's saying something. It also helps that Sue is in Physics with me and we do our homework together. She is so much better than me when it comes to figuring out the formula's, and I am hoping that my homework scores will keep my final grade out of the sewer.
History - Twentieth Century France, is not much different than last semester's class and it is really interesting, but not as trying as the Physics and Math. The FHCD was just too involved and too difficult to try and tackle along w/the other classes.
I've been reading my scriptures each night and have found that as I read them, my studies are making more sense to me. I am trying hard NOT to skip a night.
My finances are nearly gone, had to pay back the school some money because of fees that were not taken out originally from my account before they refunded my money to me to live on, so since they gave me the money that should have gone to the fee's then I had to pay it out of what they sent to me.
Seems that the $ just doesn't last as long.
I am going to do my taxes tomorrow so that should help make up what I had to pay out and I picked up a job yesterday....so every penny counts.
Kimberly made it safely to Arkansas last Thursday and she was there for Mike's ring ceremony to Deanna. She also met Rick McWhorter and saw his home, his office and the hospital where he does surgeries. He has invited her over to his house for dinner and they are going out on a triple date with his brother and sister in-law and Leana and Paul this week. She's going to be busy. I hope that everything works out well for them both....it would be wonderful if they truly ended up right for each other.
School has been good, and even though I had to drop the FHCD class (Lifespan) until this summer, I am enjoying Physics AND Math, now that's saying something. It also helps that Sue is in Physics with me and we do our homework together. She is so much better than me when it comes to figuring out the formula's, and I am hoping that my homework scores will keep my final grade out of the sewer.
History - Twentieth Century France, is not much different than last semester's class and it is really interesting, but not as trying as the Physics and Math. The FHCD was just too involved and too difficult to try and tackle along w/the other classes.
I've been reading my scriptures each night and have found that as I read them, my studies are making more sense to me. I am trying hard NOT to skip a night.
My finances are nearly gone, had to pay back the school some money because of fees that were not taken out originally from my account before they refunded my money to me to live on, so since they gave me the money that should have gone to the fee's then I had to pay it out of what they sent to me.
Seems that the $ just doesn't last as long.
I am going to do my taxes tomorrow so that should help make up what I had to pay out and I picked up a job yesterday....so every penny counts.
Kimberly made it safely to Arkansas last Thursday and she was there for Mike's ring ceremony to Deanna. She also met Rick McWhorter and saw his home, his office and the hospital where he does surgeries. He has invited her over to his house for dinner and they are going out on a triple date with his brother and sister in-law and Leana and Paul this week. She's going to be busy. I hope that everything works out well for them both....it would be wonderful if they truly ended up right for each other.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Time Passes Too Quickly
Kimberly came for a weeks visit, she arrived on January 7th and left this morning and I am so sad to have her go. The time has come and gone too fast.I know that it is hard for her to stay with Mom and I because Mom and I bicker so much. Someone told me the other day that when someone loses control of their life they then try to control other's lives. This is so true of my mom. Since her accident in Feb 2005, she has be come completely dependent on others to take her places....she no longer has the option to hop in her car and take off for a few hours of shopping or going out to breakfast by herself. There is only one thing I wish she would understand and that is I am an adult and would so greatly appreciate her treating me as such, treat me more as her friend than a 2 year old who needs to be told what to do at nearly every turn.
Kimberly is on her way to Mesa, AZ to visit with Regi Voyce and I worry about her traveling alone. Not that she can't take care of herself for the most part, a woman alone on the road is such a target for creeps that travel the highways looking for women alone in their cars.....and sabotaging their cars while they are in a restaurant, or stopping to use the restroom at a gas station. I pray for her safety constantly and ask that God place angels of protection around her. That she will not have problems with her car and that she arrives, not only in Mesa, AZ but also Gentry Arkansas to live with her father. I hope that when she is ready to come home that I can fly out and drive back with her. We shall see what happens.
Well Mike and Deanna will be getting ready for their ring ceremony on the 21st....no marriage, just a silly way to make them feel more formal about living in sin. Didn't know that the Catholic Church condones such activity, but then again, they can be absolved of all their sinning as long as Mike goes and confesses to a priest. Deanna won't though, she was a member of the Catholic Church but left it and now she is interested in learning more about the LDS Church. Now that really IS ironic. What goes around, comes around....full circle....who knows....maybe this would get Mike back into Church and forsake the evilness of the Catholic Church's dogma and doctrine.
I will miss Kimberly's presence here, she was a nice touch of sanity while she was here.
Kimberly is on her way to Mesa, AZ to visit with Regi Voyce and I worry about her traveling alone. Not that she can't take care of herself for the most part, a woman alone on the road is such a target for creeps that travel the highways looking for women alone in their cars.....and sabotaging their cars while they are in a restaurant, or stopping to use the restroom at a gas station. I pray for her safety constantly and ask that God place angels of protection around her. That she will not have problems with her car and that she arrives, not only in Mesa, AZ but also Gentry Arkansas to live with her father. I hope that when she is ready to come home that I can fly out and drive back with her. We shall see what happens.
Well Mike and Deanna will be getting ready for their ring ceremony on the 21st....no marriage, just a silly way to make them feel more formal about living in sin. Didn't know that the Catholic Church condones such activity, but then again, they can be absolved of all their sinning as long as Mike goes and confesses to a priest. Deanna won't though, she was a member of the Catholic Church but left it and now she is interested in learning more about the LDS Church. Now that really IS ironic. What goes around, comes around....full circle....who knows....maybe this would get Mike back into Church and forsake the evilness of the Catholic Church's dogma and doctrine.
I will miss Kimberly's presence here, she was a nice touch of sanity while she was here.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)